Friday, 30 July 2010

Friday Flash - Something In The Attic

This flash has been taken down as it is out for submission - wish me luck!

38 comments:

Sam said...

But...but...don't stop there. Aargh! So many questions. I really liked this piece, it pulled me right in and I felt I was standing next to Evey looking at the model, which by the way, your described beautifully. This is crying out for a sequel.

dan powell said...

The model is a lovely idea. Just enough here to get you thinking about who Grandad might be and what the Uncle has in the basement. Interesting premise and I liked the uncluttered description of the model.

Icy Sedgwick said...

Originally I was thinking of Evey discovering a birthday present - my dad built me a toy farm when I was little, and there was a shocking amount of skullduggery to ensure I didn't discover it! But once I started writing, this came out.

Walt said...

This was fun to read. I'm curious about Uncle Lou's model in the basement. When you mentioned it, the first through to cross my mind was that it would be something demonic. It gave me that Good vs Evil feel.

Well done

John said...

I'm imagining Grandfather is God and Uncle is the Devil and they each have their own models of their versions of the world.
Good Job Icy. I liked it a lot.

John Pender

Icy Sedgwick said...

That was what I was going for. It's funny, isn't it, how basements are usually evil but attics hold strange and wonderful things?

Laura Eno said...

Good thing she didn't stick her finger in the pond...we could have had a terrible tidal wave!

Love this, Icy!

theothersideofdeanna said...

Love this! I too was thinking of the grandfather as the good guy and the uncle as evil. Maybe we'll get to hear about him next week? I hope so.

Icy Sedgwick said...

My only clue is that the grandfather has a lot in common with James Garner in God, the Devil & Bob!

G.P. Ching said...

This was so much fun. Clever work. Very entertaining.

Annie said...

was waiting for the child to be sucked into another dimension or for grandad to grow fangs.... but no! a delightful recount of a childhood 'memory" great detail from a childs point of view.

my FF can be found here.

http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2010/07/grandads-attic.html

Laura Rachel Fox said...

An enjoyable read. I like the perspective of a young child and the mystery of the Grandfather & Uncle.

The descriptions are beautiful, giving the reader a clear picture of your setting.

alisonwells said...

You have a beautiful style of writing. Like the others I was left wanting more. I thought the people on the model were really alive. Why does he not want her to see the model? Raises questions but beautifully done. Look forward to reading more of your in future.

Gracie said...

I so love this story, Icy. And Grandad is a great character. I'd love to see what Uncle Lou's got going on in the basement.

Excellent writing as always, and just a great story.

--Gracie

Carrie said...

Curious. I'm left hanging. It's okay. I like surprise endings. :)

keithsramblings said...

This is great. Should I be seeking a deeper meaning? I wonder what happens next.

Icy Sedgwick said...

@Keith - You can seek a deeper meaning if you want! I just hope you enjoy it. :-)

afullnessinbrevity said...

I was imagining Grandpa and Uncle Lou as more metaphysical representations of mythological deities (Zeus and Hephaestus). Or Slartibartfast from Hitchhikers.
But, I am so jealous of such a cool idea for this story. So well done.
Adam B @revhappiness

J. M. Strother said...

Love the flow and style, very easy reading. There is a lot of charm in it, and perhaps a parable? I'm just glad she didn't pick a tiny little apple off a miniature apple tree.
~jon

Shelli said...

I love your take on this prompt! A great, mind-stretching story. I did something just vaguely similar with an earlier prompt, where the sun doesn't rise as it should with the dawn. I enjoyed it very much.

melissalwebb said...

I love this! I'm just dying to know more, especially about the basement. :)

Carly Tuma said...

Wonderful! I want to read more.

Jason Coggins said...

Enchantments abound. The bit about Uncle Lou's model in the basement really jumped off the page and fired my imagination. You've left it with so many possibilities to follow up on ... or not.

Mari said...

I wonder what Uncle Lou has at the basement. *shudders*

As Sam, I want more! This is way much better than Evey finding a birthday present, heh.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Wow! You've fed us just enough here, Icy, to have us wanting more. It's the opening for a grand any mysterious novel...great work.

Eric J. Krause said...

Excellent feel to this one. So many unanswered questions, but the narrative is so good that it doesn't matter that we don't know. Good story!

daniellelapaglia said...

Great job of pulling the reader in. I saw everything like I was standing right there. Very cool story!

Icy Sedgwick said...

I'm so glad everyone liked it! You never know, maybe it'll end up being part of something larger.

anastasia_wolf said...

Hehe I loved it as all the clues fell into place, so much fun!

Draco Torre said...

Charming and fun. Traffic sounds and mist-wow, some model. Grandpas and uncles are always up to something interesting. Now I want to see the basement.

jasonwarden.com said...

Very cool, but I want more. I want to know what happens when she sticks her finger in. Tidal wave in China perhaps?
Nicely done

Valerie said...

I'm seeing what others are seeing with a good versus evil sentiment, but it works equally well as just a kind of magical realism or light-hearted fantasy situation. This could go places if you want or you can leave it as this, up to you! Very fun.

AidanF said...

I like the mythic qualities to this. An enjoyable read.

Pamila Payne said...

This was wonderful. I want to go in the basement...

Icy Sedgwick said...

You never know, maybe Adam will wander down there...

mazzz_in_Leeds said...

Ha - very clever! Love it. I totally want to see what's in the basement!

Tomara Armstrong said...

Oh I love this... magically surprising. I wish there were more to read.
~2

ganymeder said...

Oh, I both love and hate this! I love this story but hate that you left so much unanswered! Too much to hope that you will continue this...? :)

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