Icy's Blunt Pencil: Friday Flash - Something In The Attic

Friday, 30 July 2010

Friday Flash - Something In The Attic

This flash has been taken down as it is out for submission - wish me luck!

38 comments:

Sam said...: But...but...don't stop there. Aargh! So many questions. I really liked this piece, it pulled me right in and I felt I was standing next to Evey looking at the model, which by the way, your described beautifully. This is crying out for a sequel.; 30 July 2010 08:55
dan powell said...: The model is a lovely idea. Just enough here to get you thinking about who Grandad might be and what the Uncle has in the basement. Interesting premise and I liked the uncluttered description of the model.; 30 July 2010 10:48
Icy Sedgwick said...: Originally I was thinking of Evey discovering a birthday present - my dad built me a toy farm when I was little, and there was a shocking amount of skullduggery to ensure I didn't discover it! But once I started writing, this came out.; 30 July 2010 11:35
Walt said...: This was fun to read. I'm curious about Uncle Lou's model in the basement. When you mentioned it, the first through to cross my mind was that it would be something demonic. It gave me that Good vs Evil feel.

Well done; 30 July 2010 12:01
John said...: I'm imagining Grandfather is God and Uncle is the Devil and they each have their own models of their versions of the world.
Good Job Icy. I liked it a lot.

John Pender; 30 July 2010 12:08
Icy Sedgwick said...: That was what I was going for. It's funny, isn't it, how basements are usually evil but attics hold strange and wonderful things?; 30 July 2010 12:11
Laura Eno said...: Good thing she didn't stick her finger in the pond...we could have had a terrible tidal wave!

Love this, Icy!; 30 July 2010 13:26
theothersideofdeanna said...: Love this! I too was thinking of the grandfather as the good guy and the uncle as evil. Maybe we'll get to hear about him next week? I hope so.; 30 July 2010 15:34
Icy Sedgwick said...: My only clue is that the grandfather has a lot in common with James Garner in God, the Devil & Bob!; 30 July 2010 15:35
G.P. Ching said...: This was so much fun. Clever work. Very entertaining.; 30 July 2010 16:50
Annie said...: was waiting for the child to be sucked into another dimension or for grandad to grow fangs.... but no! a delightful recount of a childhood 'memory" great detail from a childs point of view.

my FF can be found here.

http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2010/07/grandads-attic.html; 30 July 2010 17:33
Laura Rachel Fox said...: An enjoyable read. I like the perspective of a young child and the mystery of the Grandfather & Uncle.

The descriptions are beautiful, giving the reader a clear picture of your setting.; 30 July 2010 17:36
alisonwells said...: You have a beautiful style of writing. Like the others I was left wanting more. I thought the people on the model were really alive. Why does he not want her to see the model? Raises questions but beautifully done. Look forward to reading more of your in future.; 30 July 2010 17:48
Gracie said...: I so love this story, Icy. And Grandad is a great character. I'd love to see what Uncle Lou's got going on in the basement.

Excellent writing as always, and just a great story.

--Gracie; 30 July 2010 18:43
Carrie said...: Curious. I'm left hanging. It's okay. I like surprise endings. :); 30 July 2010 20:02
keithsramblings said...: This is great. Should I be seeking a deeper meaning? I wonder what happens next.; 30 July 2010 23:10
Icy Sedgwick said...: @Keith - You can seek a deeper meaning if you want! I just hope you enjoy it. :-); 30 July 2010 23:36
afullnessinbrevity said...: I was imagining Grandpa and Uncle Lou as more metaphysical representations of mythological deities (Zeus and Hephaestus). Or Slartibartfast from Hitchhikers.
But, I am so jealous of such a cool idea for this story. So well done.
Adam B @revhappiness; 30 July 2010 23:54
J. M. Strother said...: Love the flow and style, very easy reading. There is a lot of charm in it, and perhaps a parable? I'm just glad she didn't pick a tiny little apple off a miniature apple tree.
~jon; 31 July 2010 00:56
Shelli said...: I love your take on this prompt! A great, mind-stretching story. I did something just vaguely similar with an earlier prompt, where the sun doesn't rise as it should with the dawn. I enjoyed it very much.; 31 July 2010 03:17
melissalwebb said...: I love this! I'm just dying to know more, especially about the basement. :); 31 July 2010 04:06
Carly Tuma said...: Wonderful! I want to read more.; 31 July 2010 05:08
Jason Coggins said...: Enchantments abound. The bit about Uncle Lou's model in the basement really jumped off the page and fired my imagination. You've left it with so many possibilities to follow up on ... or not.; 31 July 2010 08:53
Mari said...: I wonder what Uncle Lou has at the basement. *shudders*

As Sam, I want more! This is way much better than Evey finding a birthday present, heh.; 31 July 2010 13:19
Alan W. Davidson said...: Wow! You've fed us just enough here, Icy, to have us wanting more. It's the opening for a grand any mysterious novel...great work.; 31 July 2010 13:46
Eric J. Krause said...: Excellent feel to this one. So many unanswered questions, but the narrative is so good that it doesn't matter that we don't know. Good story!; 31 July 2010 16:36
daniellelapaglia said...: Great job of pulling the reader in. I saw everything like I was standing right there. Very cool story!; 1 August 2010 00:09
Icy Sedgwick said...: I'm so glad everyone liked it! You never know, maybe it'll end up being part of something larger.; 1 August 2010 00:15
anastasia_wolf said...: Hehe I loved it as all the clues fell into place, so much fun!; 1 August 2010 11:58
Draco Torre said...: Charming and fun. Traffic sounds and mist-wow, some model. Grandpas and uncles are always up to something interesting. Now I want to see the basement.; 1 August 2010 15:38
jasonwarden.com said...: Very cool, but I want more. I want to know what happens when she sticks her finger in. Tidal wave in China perhaps?
Nicely done; 1 August 2010 15:55
Valerie said...: I'm seeing what others are seeing with a good versus evil sentiment, but it works equally well as just a kind of magical realism or light-hearted fantasy situation. This could go places if you want or you can leave it as this, up to you! Very fun.; 1 August 2010 18:01
AidanF said...: I like the mythic qualities to this. An enjoyable read.; 1 August 2010 19:49
Pamila Payne said...: This was wonderful. I want to go in the basement...; 1 August 2010 22:23
Icy Sedgwick said...: You never know, maybe Adam will wander down there...; 1 August 2010 23:55
mazzz_in_Leeds said...: Ha - very clever! Love it. I totally want to see what's in the basement!; 3 August 2010 18:10
Tomara Armstrong said...: Oh I love this... magically surprising. I wish there were more to read.
~2; 3 August 2010 18:50
ganymeder said...: Oh, I both love and hate this! I love this story but hate that you left so much unanswered! Too much to hope that you will continue this...? :); 4 August 2010 22:51