Friday, 9 July 2010

Chaos and Chance

Here's my attempt for this week's Fiction Friday challenge on the Write Anything blog, also submitted to the Friday Flash collection. The prompt was;

In her right hand a woman holds a loaded gun, in her left, a coin that just came up ‘tails’.

The silver coin flashed in the air, a disc of light that flipped and landed in her waiting left palm. Her right hand gripped the revolver swiped from Sarah's antique shop.

Temper flared behind her eyes as she stared at the coin. Instead of looking down at the profile of the Queen, she saw only the ring of dolphins on the 'tails' side of the 50p.

"Tails again?"

Andrew shifted in his chair slightly. The ropes binding his arms behind his back chafed with the movement. He smiled, despite the pain. Sheila tossed him a filthy look.

"That must be the eighth tails in a row, isn't it?"

"This isn't fair!"

"Just face it, Sheila. You don't have it in you to shoot me. You have to pretend you're some stupid supervillain and flip a coin," he said. "You want to be able to blame it on chance, but even that's not on your side. You have to take responsibility for your actions, you know."

"I'm not Sheila, I am Chaos," she replied. She tugged on the hem of her costume's skirt to prove it. The cheap black vinyl made her skin itch, even through the tights.

"Rubbish. You're not Chaos, you're just angry I left you," said Andrew. "Are you really surprised I walked out? Jenny would certainly never be seen dead in that get up."

"Talk back to me again and she will be seen dead," replied Sheila. She pulled herself up to her full height of 5ft 4ins, hoping she looked imposing. She remembered to thrust out her chest and planted her hands on her hips.

"Oh shut you, you silly cow. You don't know what you're doing - you're a real amateur at this, do you know that? You've even gone for the hero stance instead of the villain hunch."

"Shut up, Andy. Just...shut up." Sheila let her shoulders sag.

"That's your big witty comeback? Pathetic. It's all so ironic. You're doing this to punish me, aren't you? You're punishing me for leaving you for someone else. Yeah, I cheated, aren't I a bad guy? But what you don't get is that if I'm a bad guy, and you punish me, then that makes you a hero, not a villain."

"Shut up!" Sheila banged the revolver on the desk beside her. She jumped at the sudden slam of metal against wood, but Andrew barely flinched.

"No, I won't shut up. God, Sheila, you just haven't thought this through, have you? You call yourself Chaos, but then you do something you've clearly spent time planning. Not very chaotic, is it?"

"It is chaotic! Your life depends on the random flip of a coin!" Sheila stamped her foot.

"Eight flips is hardly random. What are you going for, best of twenty?"

"Stop right there!"

The door to the basement flew open. A tall figure with a mane of red hair stood in the doorway. One hand rested on her hip, while she held up the other in some kind of 'stop' gesture. She strode down the stairs. Sheila gawped at the white Lycra catsuit and white domino mask.

"Jennifer? What the hell are you doing here?" asked Andrew.

"I am not Jennifer. I am the Angel of Order," replied the newcomer. "And I'm here to defeat Chaos, wherever I find it!"

Andrew groaned. His ex-wife and current girlfriend struck amateur fighting poses beneath the striplight. He rolled his eyes, wondering where he could find a normal woman.

31 comments:

mazzz_in_Leeds said...

Surely having two catsuited women fighting over you is a man's perfect scenario?!

"I am not Jennifer. I am the Angel of Order" - that cracked me up!

Icy Sedgwick said...

I was trying to think of really lame names for them!!

Anneke said...

I love this story, it's nicely absurd. These women are winners after all, they succeeded in confusing the man. His worst nightmare...

Jen Brubacher said...

*laughs!* I adore this: "Rubbish. You're not Chaos, you're just angry I left you." And the fact that he obviously has a certain taste in women... and it's coming back to bite him. I also like how it is *not* actually a man's perfect scenario, because it's just so pathetic and ridiculous!

Too fun, Icy.

Sulci Collective said...

A very good point about how many coin flips would it take to determine a genuine random & chaotic outcome.

I agree with Mazzz, Oh lucky man!

marc nash

Sam said...

Hahaha! I really enjoyed this - cheered me up no end this morning. Loved your last paragraph. :)

Icy Sedgwick said...

Ah, glad I've been making people laugh!

My work here is done.

*dons cape and zooms off into the sunny Friday morning*

Carrie said...

[SNORT!] This was hilarious. Poor lady. She should take up a different job. Something less exacting. Great work!

anastasia_wolf said...

Haha that cracked me up!

afullnessinbrevity said...

This is so damn near perfect. I am such a fan of your creativity; it is the exploration of irony and the ridiculousness of the situation that had me laughing out loud.
Now that you're a superhero, you are going to need a catchphrase.
Adam B

Icy Sedgwick said...

I shall be thinking of a catchphrase all day!

G.P. Ching said...

Hilarious! The word choice and pacing were perfect. Nice work!

John Wiswell said...

Maybe he could troll for normal women at the Hall of Justice. Where they act like superheroes, maybe they think they're normal people.

Really enjoyed this, Icy. I could go for more less-normal women.

Melissa said...

i like the twist at the end. very clever.

Icy Sedgwick said...

Glad people liked this! I need to do more superhero stuff!!!

Marisa Birns said...

What a great story! Very, very funny. The names you chose cracked me up so much!

Scott said...

Very enjoyable. My favorite line: "You call yourself Chaos, but then you do something you've clearly spent time planning. Not very chaotic, is it?" Loved it.

Icy Sedgwick said...

I wanted to take the piss out of Two-Face but ended up taking the piss out of vigilantes. Whoops!

John said...

This is too funny! Love it.

John said...

Sorry, mine's here.
http://johnpender.net/2010/07/fiction-friday-163/

Gracie said...

Excellent, and just too funny. Love everything about it, but the moment his new girlfriend walked in to save him was hilarious.

Great story.

Leslie R. Lee said...

Very funny. You need to illustrate this :-) Maybe have two views. One of how she see's herself then his. Then how they view the Angel of Order. Great story

Shelli said...

Sassy. I can tell you had a lot of fun with this story. I like the idea of illustrations.

Icy Sedgwick said...

Ooh I could try illustrating it. Then you'd get to see how lame Sheila's costume is!

Pamila Payne said...

Ha! I loved this. Very sharp. Very witty. "What are you going for? Best of twenty?" So funny.

Icy Sedgwick said...

I'm glad you like it. :-)

Walt said...

That was a fun read. The awkwardness of the scenario came through and the line "I am not Jennifer. I am the Angel of Order" made me laugh out loud.

Donald Conrad said...

I'm still chuckling over this one. The next super hero/villian through the door would have to be Andrew's friend, or his mom.

Laura Eno said...

Hilarious! I think with his choice in women he should be saying "just shoot me" right about now...

Eric J. Krause said...

Excellent! Had me laughing all the way through.

Virginia Moffatt said...

Loved the ending! Very funny.

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