Friday, 14 June 2013

#FridayFlash - Ok, Cupid

Keep telling yourself you're not going on a date, you're using your one-day free trial of a relationship. For that one afternoon or evening, whichever you choose, you've got a companion, someone to discuss life with in all its glory and banality, someone to make you feel like you're part of a greater whole. It's not going to cost you anything except time, and let's be honest, what else were you going to do with it? Watch TV soaps or buy another cat? So roll up, roll up, come on in, and find a one-day free trial that suits you!

But, er, I should take you aside and tell you something. You know, as a friend. I'm only telling you this because I like the look of you. It's a one-day free trial, but there's no limit to how many trials you can, you know, try. I've got some customers who live entirely on free trials. Trust me, you don't want to bother with one of those. Yes, you're right, there's no way of knowing by just looking at the packet which ones those are. Nor can you tell which ones will take up the low-cost introductory rate for an actual relationship, but then try to return the product when they find it's not for them. There's nothing I can do about those. It's what you might call an occupational hazard.

What I can offer you is a truly stunning array of free trials. There's someone to fit every taste and occasion. You're bound to find one you want to convert into a regular subscription, and you'll find my rates are very reasonable indeed. Of course, there's always the small print, but you can't get away from something like that! Ah, you don't seem like you're so keen any more. Does this all seem a little sordid to you? Well what would you rather I did? I could always skip around shooting people with arrows but wouldn't you rather choose who you sample, instead of letting me fix you up?

Oh, she's gone. I suppose dating does seem a little fraught these days. Ah, there's another customer! You'll have to excuse me...

15 comments:

John Wiswell said...

I like imagining that there is truly someone to fit every taste and occasion, even if I'm uncomfortable with renting love.

Helen said...

Ah cupids gone commercial! Does that make him any better than a dating agency I wonder ? Nice idea.

Icy Sedgwick said...

No one's renting it - the samples are intended as a 'try before you buy' idea. I was trying to extend Tyler Durden's theory of the single serving friend but I guess I was too obscure.

Icy Sedgwick said...

There's already a dating website called Ok Cupid. I haven't been successful with it so I guess I'm just bitter about the whole thing.

Sulci Collective said...

Cupid needs to update his techniques for the modern age? Well ditch the arrows & go for a BB love gun, way better for speed dating.

Are you watching that new drama seriies on Channel 4 called Dating? i watched the first one, wasn't bad actually.

marc nash

Icy Sedgwick said...

Having had the number of dating disasters that I've had, I can't bring myself to watch it.

Larry Kollar said...

There are some real home truths in this one, icy. Maybe that's one good thing about being older: dating sites didn't exist and I wasn't tempted to try one. The "services" were hideously expensive, so I didn't bother with those, either.

Then again, I shoulder-surfed once when The Boy entered some info on a dating site. He lied through his teeth about pretty much everything.

pegjet said...

I am curious--what is Cupid's small print? I haven't done it with dating, but taking advantage of the free trial period more than once has its advantages. :)

Tim VanSant Writes said...

I love the humor in this. But nothing is free.

Tony Noland said...

I know people who make a mid-day meal of the hundred free tasting samples which the big grocery stores give away on Saturdays. Same principle, I suppose.

Li said...

Yes, it's laways the fine print that gets you...

Li said...

Sigh... and the typos.

Lee-Ann said...

Ha. This is so true.

As an aside, I've been listening to spoken word artist Rudy Francisco lately... One of his poems includes the line "Cupid is irresponsible and I'm tired of him using me for target practice."

afullnessinbrevity said...

I'm imagining Tyler Durden as Cupid. This could have serious ramifications. Awesome voice.
Adam B @revhappiness

Katherine Hajer said...

This pretty much nails it. The whole "people as consumer goods" aspect of on-line dating is horrible.

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