I surfaced from the coma at 7:02pm on a Tuesday evening. Two people sat either side of the bed, with a third standing by the window. The man with the heavily weathered face dabbed tears away from his pale eyes. The woman gripped my hand, chapped lips cracking into a smile. The young man by the window shot out of the room. The middle aged couple talked at once, their words tumbling around and over each other. Did I know them?
The young man returned with a nurse. She fussed over the monitors at my side and dished out platitudes about my condition. I caught only four words. 'Near fatal' and 'car crash'. My head pounded as though my skull played host to a troupe of elephants on rollerskates. The nurse checked my chart, patted my free hand, and left the room. The questions erupted at once.
Can you remember anything?
I shook my head, setting off minor explosions in my temples. Expressions clouded. Worry vied with elation on their unfamiliar faces.
Could you hear us talking to you?
I lifted my shoulders in a half-shrug. They wanted me to say yes but I couldn't lie to strangers. They talk among themselves, convinced I had heard them on some level.
Did you have a near death experience?
A strange question from the young man. A pale, earnest face. Again, I shook my head. I spread my hands in apology, and that earnest face fell.
They geared up for the next round of questions. I stared at them, claiming amnesia as my only defence. For I had indeed found myself standing at the mouth of a tunnel, surrounded by other shadows, only vaguely aware of the sirens and carnage I left behind.
But how could I tell these people that the tunnel sloped downwards...towards a roaring inferno?
24 comments:
Nice pic for this, first off. Second...yeah. This story says a lot. Nice work as always, Icy. xx
Ooh, I like this. Love the descriptions.
Given the chance, that's a pretty good reason for turning back. Nice one.
I wasn't expecting that ending! Good job, Icy.
I'm with Tim, that's a good reason for turning back if there ever was one.
Thanks for the story. I could feel the disillusionment of the fellow.
It's where all the interesting people end up :) Nice flash icy.
GREAT ending! If ever there was proof that the religious types were right, this would be it... but NOT the kind of thing people would want to hear.
Well done!
I'm reminded of sartre's hell is over people. The inferno is the bottom plane of hell, so anything's better than that, even returning to the bosom of one's clueless family.
Nicely done Icy
marc nash
Did not see that coming at all. Excellent!
~jon
They only ever want to hear about the bright light at the end of the tunnel, this one would shake 'em up a bit.
I like this character with the concern for the 'strangers' feelings. And what a twist!
I see, I love the image of elephants on roller skates. She's quite a character for recognizing the value of leading us a little bit of hope.
Wasn't expecting that ending! Nice.
Carrie - Thanks!
Emma - Thank you :)
Tim - I wonder if she made the decision to turn back...or if this was a wake up call?
Larry - I always like to keep people guessing.
Von - Yeah, she's not particularly enamoured with how these strangers behave.
Clive - Thanks!
Tony - Even if she told them, they'd probably only hear what they WANT to hear.
Marc - Thanks!
Jon - Glad you liked it!
Steve - Technically, it is still a bright light...just the wrong colour...
Brinda - Thanks!
Aidan - It seemed like a weird enough image to include!
Sonia - I like to keep readers guessing!
Yikes! And the kicker is they don't even remember what they did to deserve damnation.:(
Oh shock! No I think she'd best keep that one to herself and reflect a bit on why it did!
I enjoyed that, Icy.
I wonder how the narrator will live life going forward, knowing what awaits upon death? Or could that fate change yet? Very thought provoking.
I wonder how the narrator will live life going forward, knowing what awaits upon death? Or could that fate change yet? Very thought provoking.
Yeah, but was there a white light?
The best part for me wasn't the last line (although it's a nice zinger), but that the family -- if that's who they are -- are so ready to pounce on the car crash victim with questions. I've worked in two hospital offices, and both of them had stories about families like that.
Oh, yes. I love how much this is right inside the character's mind. And how many of us would admit what we'd seen? This is a very good one, Icy.
Brilliant ending - love it. Well done Icy.
Har har.. that would knock the wind out of their hopeful sails! Lovely internalised dialogue here Icy..
Hi there Icy -- you know what, I don't think I've ever heard of someone considering the light from the opposite direction. Lovely idea. Why aren't some near-death-experiences not so pleasant? Nice set up, well presented. Just long enough. I like. St.
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