Tuesday 3 May 2011

Friday Flash - Deleted Scenes

I posted my Friday Flash, First Date, last week, and I promised I'd post a "deleted scene" since I found myself torn between two endings while writing the flash. I threw open the voting to the Twitterati and I got more votes for the so-called "unhappy ending", but for those who wanted a happy ending, here it is. I haven't posted the rest of the flash for the sake of brevity, but due to the way I split the flash into chunks, you can pick it up from the original story. Hopefully this will grant even more of an insight into my writing process.

Deleted Scene
I work up the courage to call Parker. His phone rings for what feels like an eternity, before I'm put through to voicemail. I hang up, knowing my voice will crack and betray my disappointment if I try to leave a message. I look out of the window, keen to face away from everyone in case they see me welling up. I think of going home, and I picture Tex greeting me at the door and wagging his tail when I give him a cuddle.

I look up and notice the food critic watching me. He smiles, and the warmth reaches his eyes. He looks so much like my Ben. Same twinkling brown eyes, same dimples. I can't stop myself from smiling back. He slips his notebook and pen into a battered briefcase, and walks over to my table. He gestures to the empty seat opposite me, and asks if he can join me. I sneak a glance at my phone. Parker is now almost an hour and a half late, and there is still no word from him. Normally I would say no, but I'm grateful for the company. I nod, and the critic sits down.

It turns out his name is Richard, and I was right - he is a food critic for the Post. He likes Johnny Cash and the plays of Oscar Wilde, and he speaks very good French and very poor Spanish. We spent two hours talking about everything and nothing. As he insists on paying the bill, I realise I still haven't heard from Parker, although I no longer care. Richard gives me his number, and walks me to my car. He kisses my hand as we say goodbye. I'm still smiling as I drive away.


Harry said...

I'm not always a sucker for a happy ending but I like the way things work out for your protagonist better in this version. :)

Larry Kollar said...

I liked this ending, but I hope he doesn't remind her *too* much of Ben!

The wait-staff was surely relieved to see this ending as well.

Cassie said...

I have to admit, I liked the happy ending too, although the sad one was bittersweet and probably more realistic. When I read the first version I kept hoping the food critic would turn out to be her date!

Icy Sedgwick said...

Harry - It's not even necessarily a happy ending as things could still go wrong, but at least her evening ended well. :-)

FAR - You have to wonder if any of them had bets on how long she would stay!

Cassie - The sad ending is more realistic but I think everyone likes a smidge of Hollywood ;-)

Chuck Allen said...

This is a good one, but I like the original ending the best. The original left a lot unresolved and left me thinking after I finished reading. This one seems to wrap up a lot of things.

Raven Corinn Carluk said...

I love both endings, for entirely different reasons. This one is just so touching and wonderful, and makes me smile and feel all the happiness of love.

Jason Coggins said...

My soft touch likes this ending but for pure literary punch I think The original has more clout. In response to your reply to my comment on the first story: that's precisely where I find myself too. I refuse to expose myself to all those pitfalls anymore. If romance is gonna happen so be it ... If not l've still got Suicide Girls.com!

Anonymous said...

I'm a sucker for the happy ending. Loved it.
Adam B @revhappiness

Mari said...

I like better this ending. You knew I'd prefer this one, didn't you? :P

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