"My mother put it down to latent morbidity, reminding me of my teenage Goth phase and preference for crime novels" - I roared out loud at this - Parents eh? Gotta love their take on their children!
Fantastic! Really puts me in mind of "The Gathering" experienced when a relative died last year - for the last few days of her life she said some of her close relatives (all long passed themselves) were with her and had come to guide her over.
It was all inspired by the fact that I saw something white in the mud by one of the London wharves when I was on the train the other day - on reflection, it was probably a carrier bag. I've certainly not seen anything else since!
*and the crowd applauds wildly* This had a great twist at the end. The description is so apt: focused and direct, hinting at the sinister and never revealing. A good read. Blessings Adam B
Brilliant...and scary! She must have looked really smashed after being hit by 2288 lbs of steel. But the others in her group don't look so great themselves! :)
Um. You say you saw something white in the mud? A carrier bag?
Well done! It started out morbid, got really scary, but the calm acceptance at the end was oddly comforting. Death was just another stage of the human experience.
Well crafted and brilliantly written. I enjoyed this a lot.
Icy - I had an inkling how this one would turn out ... but i enjoyed it immensely anyway! I knew because I did a similar story awhile back "Friending the Dead" (you are of course under absolutely no obligation to read but in case u r interested: http://inspiredbyreallife.com/?p=400) ... similar yet very different of course. Funny how these things happen in three's ;-) I hope you don't see any more carrier bags...!
@Maz - I sort of think that once you've died, you WOULD be calm. I mean, you can't very well do anything about it (or can you....? Another story for another time)
@Michael - It's been a while since I wrote any horror, so I thought I'd give it a go again.
@PJ - Yes, I shall be ignoring all carrier bags from now on! And gosh, your story really puts a new spin on Facebook!
Very creepy tale, and so well written. I could completely get on board with the overactive imagination - been there myself. Too bad that wasn't the case, for her sake.
"My mother put it down to latent morbidity, reminding me of my teenage Goth phase and preference for crime novels" - I roared out loud at this - Parents eh? Gotta love their take on their children!
ReplyDeleteNice stuff indeed.
marc nash
I'm glad you like it! And yes, parents often do look at the strangest evidence for the behaviour of their children.
ReplyDeleteFantastic! Really puts me in mind of "The Gathering" experienced when a relative died last year - for the last few days of her life she said some of her close relatives (all long passed themselves) were with her and had come to guide her over.
ReplyDeleteYour piece made me shiver.
It was all inspired by the fact that I saw something white in the mud by one of the London wharves when I was on the train the other day - on reflection, it was probably a carrier bag. I've certainly not seen anything else since!
ReplyDelete*and the crowd applauds wildly* This had a great twist at the end. The description is so apt: focused and direct, hinting at the sinister and never revealing. A good read.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Adam B
Aw, I'm glad you liked it, Adam. I love your work so it means a lot when you enjoy mine!
ReplyDeleteExcellent! I loved the journey you took. The ending rocked!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Laura! It's weird being in my own head sometimes.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant...and scary! She must have looked really smashed after being hit by 2288 lbs of steel. But the others in her group don't look so great themselves! :)
ReplyDeleteUm. You say you saw something white in the mud? A carrier bag?
*whistles and walks away*
Wow, great chilling story. They tried to tell her...
ReplyDeleteLoved this one.
I had to Google how much a Peugeot 206 weighs!
ReplyDeleteI *hope* it was a carrier bag...
Well done! It started out morbid, got really scary, but the calm acceptance at the end was oddly comforting. Death was just another stage of the human experience.
ReplyDeleteWell crafted and brilliantly written. I enjoyed this a lot.
I'm really glad you liked it!
ReplyDeleteOooh, very good! Perfect ending, as Monica says the calm acceptance is comforting
ReplyDeletenice and creepy this. great imagination and fine prose to go with it.
ReplyDeleteIcy - I had an inkling how this one would turn out ... but i enjoyed it immensely anyway! I knew because I did a similar story awhile back "Friending the Dead" (you are of course under absolutely no obligation to read but in case u r interested: http://inspiredbyreallife.com/?p=400) ... similar yet very different of course. Funny how these things happen in three's ;-) I hope you don't see any more carrier bags...!
ReplyDeleteWhat a chilling ghost story. I liked how the corpses all tied in together at the end. Well done!
ReplyDelete@Maz - I sort of think that once you've died, you WOULD be calm. I mean, you can't very well do anything about it (or can you....? Another story for another time)
ReplyDelete@Michael - It's been a while since I wrote any horror, so I thought I'd give it a go again.
@PJ - Yes, I shall be ignoring all carrier bags from now on! And gosh, your story really puts a new spin on Facebook!
@Alan - I'm glad you liked it!
A creepy, scary tale, but I have to say, having one's mother dismiss you because of "that phase" you went through in high school... shiver!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Tony - would you say it's creepier because of the useless mother, or in spite of it?
ReplyDeleteI like that. I think the 'ordinary' stuff thrown in around the fear works really well.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you, Fee!
ReplyDeleteThis is great Icy. Really well paced and built up to a satisfying conclusion that I didn't see coming till the very last minute.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
ReplyDeleteVery cool story! Great journey, and the ending really paid off.
ReplyDeleteGave me goose bumps. Good job, Icy!
ReplyDelete;-)
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
ReplyDeleteVery creepy tale, and so well written. I could completely get on board with the overactive imagination - been there myself. Too bad that wasn't the case, for her sake.
ReplyDeleteI guess I decided to torment her out of relief that didn't happen to me!
ReplyDelete